Funny Stories

Depending on your Humor Comprehension Level (HCL), the term “funny” my be subjective. Having said that, I think these stories are MILDLY AMUSING at the least.

Football Injury

Football Injury

I have always liked to play backyard football. We used to have this really awesome Nerf football that was weighted so it would fly extra far yet be soft to catch. I recently started a search for another ball just like that and wasn’t able to find something just like it. But I did stumble across the new Nerf Weather Blitz.

I don’t like to play football with a “real” one because it freaking hurts. There I said it. It hurts my delicate hands. I’m okay with that fact. But you know what? Ten minutes after busting the stupid thing out I caught it and it freaking bent my pinky finger back and I sprained it! How do you like that? Well I don’t. So far, my worst football injury to date was caused by a soft Nerf football that I bought so I wouldn’t hurt myself.

I like to tell people I hurt my hand playing football, I just leave out the Nerf part.


Truckin’ Fairytale

Truckin’ Fairytale

Once upon a time (last month) in a far off land (Pennsylvania), there was a young prince (not actually a prince, or even that young now that I think about it, ok it was me), I was driving along Interstate 80 at about 11:00 pm when all of the sudden out of nowhere I see this full-size van coming up behind me in the next lane with it’s interior lights on approaching along side me very slowly. I didn’t think much about it until they stopped directly next to me and I happened to glance over to notice that it was an older couple (mid-40s’ish). She was completely nude lying on her stomach pointing her naughty parts right at me as she was… well… orally servicing the driver.

They drove next to me for like 2 miles to make sure I got a nice loooOOOOOoooong peek before they zoomed off to show the next truck in front of me. This went on for at least 30 miles before I lost track of them.

I continuted on down the road and about 1/2 hour after they dissappeared, I saw another slow moving van coming up along side me in the same fashion, IT WAS THEM. They pulled off for some reason and were starting the cycle over again, but this time she wasn’t in the front seat at all. She had climbed all the way in the back where they had built a custom little table so she could lay down with her legs spread as wide as they would go and a towel over her face to keep her anonymity.

As they pulled away this time I noticed in the back window one of those scrolling LED signs that said…

KEEP ON TRUCKIN’… STAY SAFE OUT THERE… GOD BLESS

 


Clean Cut

Clean Cut

I haven’t shaved my face completely clean in over over 7 years. (actually I can’t even remember when it was) but I did just that last week.

I had an interview with Flagstar Bank and I guess that’s what you’re supposed to do. I think I look like a total weirdo.

As far as the interview went, Ryan told me about a system analyst position that opened up in his department and I thought “What the heck.” and applied. I am not quite qualified (understatement) but I really think I can do the job. But it doesn’t matter if I can do the job or not because they never called me back. I was told that day (Friday) that I would hear from them early next week (that was last monday) so I guess that’s a big no since it’s been a whole week after I was supposed to hear the good word.

But back to me looking like a freak…

Here I am looking very pretty for my big photo shoot for Christmas. This is what I am “supposed” to look like (according to me)

NickDymond.com-xmas_2005_photo_shoot (18)

Here is what I looked like when I got back from New York the night before my interview.

This is after I shaved using clippers.

This is my stupid fat fact clean shaven and dumb looking.

And here I am mere moments before heading out to the ol’ interview.

And here are some stupid pictures of my stupid face making stupid faces.